Conflict and disappointment are inherent in close relationships. Every person is unique and complex. We vary on personality dimensions (e.g., introverted - extroverted), emotional styles (e.g., expressive versus avoidant), and as my wife of 15 years and I can attest, habits of lifestyle (e.g., morning person vs night person). Each of us also has his or her own dreams for the various domains of our lives – work, family, leisure. No two people could ever be in sync across the innumerable dimensions of life.
As one well-known couples researcher (John Gottman, PhD) has observed, "when you select a partner, you are choosing a set of unresolvable problems." No matter who your partner is, the two of you will have differences on issues that are important to you.
More than half of all married and cohabiting couples terminate their relationships due to unresolvable differences. Among the couples who stay together, some have cold, distant relationships while others experience ongoing, painful conflicts. Although the skills necessary for success are achievable for many couples, only a few learn to enjoy truly loving relationships despite their differences. Research shows that these couples actually use their differences as an opportunity to build acceptance, intimacy, and deeper love. Through couples therapy, you and your partner can learn the skills to create one of these relatively rare, truly intimate relationships.
I have been providing couples therapy since the early 1990s. I work with couples in which partners feel distant and disconnected as well as couples that frequently repeat the same heated arguments, never making any progress. I also work with couples that have been affected by one partner's depression or substance abuse, and I have worked with many relationships that have been impacted by affairs and various forms of sexual addiction (i.e., excessive use of pornography, anonymous sex, etc.).
If you have questions about couples therapy or if you would like to make an appointment, please call me or click 'Contact Me' above to email me.